He's Playing With My Toys!!!

We participate in elf on the shelf at our house. Kaylee named our little guy Thomas, after Thomas the Train and she adores him. However, every now and then the way I set up Thomas doesn't amuse Kaylee at all. This morning was a perfect example. I thought it was a great idea, she would say "Oh Thomas, what have you done?" and laugh like she normally does. Nope. Not this child.

She walks in to see Thomas sitting on her toy trucks and walks back to me in actual tears saying mom "Mommmmmmmm, Thomas is playing with my toys again and he never cleans them up!!! And what if he breaks one!!!"

Oh the joys of having an only child. They don't even know how to share with a magical elf sent straight from Santa. Geesh.

Eat Your Vegetables

The other night my husband and I were explaining to Kaylee how important it is to eat healthy foods. I said jokingly to Kaylee "You should really eat your vegetables, because if you don't you'll grow up to be short, fat, and lazy like Mommy."

Kaylee looked at me sweetly and said "Oh mommy, you're not lazy."

My husband burst out laughing and said "Child, you might want to run."

Mom, You're in a Truck

A little while ago my car was in the shop for a couple of days and I was given a Chevy Silverado to drive. I normally drive a Chevy Equinox, which is much smaller than the full size truck making it an interesting experience.

One day Kaylee and were driving and we hit unexpected traffic. It wasn't a weekend, and we weren't near a mall or a red light, and there didn't appear to be a wreck or construction so I was puzzled about why we were just sitting. Finally Kaylee said "Mom, why are we just sitting here?" I told her "well, there are cars in front of us, I can't just climb over them" and she said "well there's no one on the sidewalk, and you're in a truck." So I asked her "Who have you seen drive on the sidewalk?!?!?!" and she responded "no one, I came up with it all by myself."

My child is never getting her license. Ever.

I'm Not Allowed to Talk to Strangers

So I took my daughter out for breakfast at a local fast food place with an indoor playground. She was playing on the playground for about half an hour and no other kids had showed up so we were getting ready to give up and leave, when finally another little girl came in. Kaylee was so excited...until she tried to talk to the other girl. This is the conversation they had.

Kaylee: "Hi! My name is Kaylee, what's you're name?"

Girl: "I'm not allowed to talk to strangers"

Kaylee: "But you're talking to me to tell me you're not allowed to talk to strangers..."

Girl: "I'm not talking to you! You're talking to me!!!"

It continued to escalate until Kaylee said "I'm going to go tell your mom! I saw you come in with her, I know which one she is!!!!"

If I hadn't decided it was time for Kaylee to leave, she probably would have too. I really should have split them up sooner, but every time I opened my mouth to say "Kaylee let's go" I just burst out laughing.

The Dollar Tree

I told Kaylee we were going to the Dollar Tree to pick up a few things for a party. When we got there this is what happened.

Kaylee: "I thought we were going to the Dollar Tree"

Me: "This IS the Dollar Tree"

Kaylee: "Huh. This looks nothing like a tree."

Me: ::facepalm::

Boys Make Girls Crazy

So on the way home Kaylee has been listening to me play the song "Better dig two" by the Band Perry over, and over, and over again. After we'd listened to it at least three times the conversation below happened.

Kaylee: "The girl in this song is kind of crazy huh?"

Me: "Yeah, but being in love with a boy will do that to a girl."

Kaylee: "So is Daddy the reason you're crazy?"

Me: "Yup."

That Song Sounds Like Vomit

We were driving home this evening when I turned on "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer."

Then Kaylee says "Mom, if there's nothing good on the radio maybe you should just turn it off."

Me: "What are you talking about, this is a GOOD song!"

Kaylee: "Mom, this song sounds like vomit."

One Liners

Here are a couple of one liners from Kaylee:
"Mom, why are you talking to me like I'm still a little kid or something?"

To her karate instructor "I like milk but mommy can't drink it because it makes her poop."

And this one is more than one line, but I'll post it anyways...
"If you have another baby and its a girl you should let me name her. We could call her Sugar Plum. That's a good name."