Thursday, November 29, 2012

Slacker Mom


One weekend in August I was explaining to Kaylee that we can't get a new toy she wants because it's too expensive. And she says "well are you going to work today?" so I say "no" and she says "well maybe that's the problem!" Apparently I'm a slacker.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Kaylee's First Crush

There is a little boy, Jacob, in my daughter's karate class that we always joke is her first "crush." She's not really old enough to understand about boy-girl relationships, but the two of them interacting before and after class is just adorable.

The instructors will frequently have the kids form lines with one line being girls and one line being boys, and the girls line is almost always shorter than the boys. When that happens sometimes the instructors will let the girls pick who will join their line to even the two groups up. Whenever Jacob is there, that's who Kaylee picks.

Tonight the instructors had them line up twice, the first time Kaylee was allowed to pick Jacob. The second time, the instructor said that the girls couldn't say the same name as before. When he got to Kaylee she said "Jake" and the instructor reminded her she had to pick someone different this time, and she sighed and picked another boy.

After class I reminded her how she needed to work on paying attention in class, and asked her why she said Jacob again even after the instructor said they couldn't pick the same boy. She said "but mom, I didn't say the same name twice. The first time I said Jacob, and the second time I called him Jake."

That's my child, always finding the loopholes and fighting the man...

Elf on a Shelf - Snowflakes Made of Earwax

This is the first year we have participated in "Elf on a Shelf" and my daughter is fascinated with him. Last night he decided to make a snow flake out of cotton swabs on the kitchen counter. My daughter thought it was cute and couldn't wait to tell her friends, but apparently she cannot remember to call them cotton swabs or even q-tips. All day she keeps telling people that her Elf on a Shelf made a snowflake out of "ear wax thingies." I can only hope people figure out what she means and don't imagine a giant snowflake shaped pile of earwax on my kitchen counter.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Runaway Children

About a week ago Kaylee and I are shopping at Target in the shoe section. There are two women there shopping with their children, a boy and a girl who look like they are around 3. The little girl is walking next to the cart and being quiet and well behaved while the boy is in the cart and being ridiculously bad. At one point his mother tried to put a pair of shoes on him and he threw them back at her, hitting her in the face, and said "NO, I DON'T LIKE THEM!" to which the mother responded "I'm sorry, which one's do you like?" A few minutes later I hear the little boy asking to be let out of the cart, I'm thinking to myself that surely his mother won't do this since he can't even behave in the cart, but she does. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he takes off running, the little girl immediately takes off as well. The little boys mother runs after him and quickly catches up to him and back into the cart he goes. The little girl continues running, her mother yells her name a few times and yells no and stop several times, and only actually takes a few steps towards the girl who is still giggling and running away. I realized she was heading straight for the front doors and started to think I would have to run after her myself or she would end up running out the door and being hit by a car, when the mother of the little boy asks "well do you need me to go after her?" and the girls mother finally seems to realize she should do something. They both take off after the little girl, who immediately runs to the left, away from the front doors.

My daughter daughter and I resumed shopping after the women disappeared and after what I thought was enough time for the women to get out of earshot I said "if you ever do anything like that I will spank your butt." Kaylee said "I know mommy." What I didn't realize was that the mother of the little boy had walked up the aisle behind me she announced with a huff and a nose in the air that "we don't spank our children." As I was about to respond Kaylee looked her in the eye and said "oh I can tell."

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Left One

Tonight during dinner Kaylee began coughing after taking a bite of food. After my husband gave her a drink to clear her throat she tells us that what she was chewing must have not gone down the right pipe. "It must have gone down the left one," she says.

Decapitation Leads to Blindness

My friends and relatives have been telling me for years that I need to write down all of the brilliant things that come out of my now five year old daughter's mouth. For  example when she was four and I was going over my to do list out loud (yes, yes I talk to myself), she came up to me, sweetly patted me on the hand and said "Mommy, I really wish you'd quit that, it makes you sound crazy." Shortly before she turned five, as I was getting up off the floor after helping her practice her karate she says "mommy, when you bend that way, you look like you're going to have a baby."

Last night her story was finally over the top, and it pushed me to start this blog. We're buckling up our seat belts after getting in the car "Mommy, my teacher told me that her friend wasn't wearing a seatbelt and she was in a wreck and she went through the window." "Oh no," I said, "was she OK?" Kaylee responded "well, it cut her head off." So I said, "then what happened?" At this point I expected my child to respond that the lady had died, showing that she understood the moral of the story. Instead, Kaylee said "I think she couldn't see anymore after that." 

So ladies and gentlemen, let this be a warning, if you are decapitated, you will also be blind.